In this 'EXCLUSIVE' report read of the dubious plot of a rival football club to rid them of their biggest threat to their promotion aspirations.

This reporter has uncovered a conspiracy by Reading Football Club to ensure that the Tractor Nation will pose them no threat in their ruthless quest for Premiership football.

Owner John “Mad Dog” Madejski is utilising former and present players to enable him to realise a Premiership size exit package once he relinquishes his majority holding to dubious Russian oligarchs. And it would appear that he will let nothing stop him from achieving his dastardly goal.

In a operation called “Blue Tractor Down” he despatched two agents to infiltrate FPR with the sole intentions of causing mayhem on the pitch and brining a once great club to the depths of despair. These two, Ibrahima “Jihad to all things Tractor” Sonko and Ívar “Cod Wars 3” Ingimarsson were wreaking havoc on the pitch producing displays this likes of which the Keystone Cops would have been proud of.

With this ongoing the Tractor Boys were sinking down the table until management at PR relieved Ingimarsson of his duties purely, and luckily I believe, for the mere fact that “Nothing good comes out of Iceland these days”.

With that partnership broken Mad Dog wasted no time in sending in his trump card in the guise of Alex “Blue McCarthyism” McCarthy. This has worked to devastating effect to the delight of Mad Dog and this new partnership looks set to bat out the innings thus condemning the Tractor Nation to the third level of English football for the first time since 1957.

This reporter was -4 years old when that last occurred and I can tell you, it was not nice. In an attempt to stop this rot I first sought advice on how to hack into the mobiles of these agents to catch them red handed. But I was unable to accomplish this as Piers Morgan is too busy in the US now annoying American audiences.

With that, I decided to visit FPR offices in an attempt to tell Marcus “The Mask” Evans of this conspiracy only to be told “I cannot see him”.

Surely one would think someone with the superpower of invisibility would be able to see right through this plot but I expect he’s too busy sorting out corporate hospitality for Rio 2016. My conversations with Simon “Cleggy” Clegg proved worthless as it only resulted in his continually repeating “Crackin’ toast Gromit!”. I did not bother discussing this with Paul “Rough Cut” Jewel because I can never understand a word he says anyway.

We deserve better and therefore I call on the Tractor Nation to rise up in arms to rid our beloved club of this virus and send them back to where they came from. Calculations I performed showed that the playing staff would improve in quality by 32.537%, and that is not even considering replacement players. This must be done so that our great club can once again realise our true potential.

And that is mid-table Championship mediocrity!

Blue_Poison added 11:56 - Jan 26 Very well done! made me laugh out loud. Best thing I have read on here in a while!
0

singtown added 12:42 - Jan 26 If Sonko and Ivar was good, Reading would have extended their contracts and build the defense around them. Shows the kind of poor vision PJ has, to only bring in over the hill players. PJ please start working on it before the transfer window closes in a weeks time, though we wouldn't be surprised if nobody wants to join a club destined for league 1 football next season

0

runaround added 14:11 - Jan 26 Very funny and very clever!
0

Cobbold_Youth added 14:45 - Jan 26 More of the same! Remember when TWTD was a paper mag sold near Sir Alf? Those were the days...
0

Owlish52 added 20:24 - Jan 26 Royals fan here - This post displays the author's amazing Counter-Intellegence skills, as well as great imagination! I am confident that the author will continue his dedicated support of the Tractor Boys, delving deeply to unearth any and all further conspiracies. I note reports that an infiltration counter-attack involving Polish elements may already be underway!
0

Greybritain added 16:54 - Jan 27 Excellent. We needed some random amusement to dilute the endless piffle emanating from FPR over the last few seasons/decade. Reminded me of the amusing Burley parody that used to be penned in the paper version of TWTD. More comedy needed! Same with TV really, not more period dramas, just something to make us laugh whilst the country emerges from the dog's sheriff badge.

0

Hegansheroes added 14:49 - Feb 5 Like the story ED. Not true though or, iis it, maybe not so far from the truth when you look at ME on the internet, I really wonder what his involvement is and why. Its a long time since football was run by the likes of Mr. John and David Sheepshanks. It is business now but there is stsill room for the Arsenals who appear to be the only financialy viable premiership club, ie self financing, a lot of which is down to how astute Arsene Wenger is in the transfer maket. Man C can afford anyone but what happens when the new financial controls come in. Good to see Chopra may not be the misfit he was becoming

0

eddiegrundy added 21:45 - Feb 9 Reading fan here. It's more of a Jewell consoiracy than a Reading conspiracy I think. Sonko left Reading several years ago and you got him from Stoke not Reading. Ingimarrson was also out of contract so no Reading involvement there either. McCarthy might be xconspiratorial though. He might have got himself sent off against Leeds as he was previously at Leeds on loan. He's a very good keeper though, better than Federici IMHO, and deserves a second chance.

0

Blogs 295 bloggers